Deciding what happens after you die can feel heavy, and it is often easier in small pieces. This article covers the choices in more depth, so you can think them through, or talk them over with family, at your own pace.
If you are answering a question on the questionnaire right now, this article explains each choice on the page in a line or two.
Why it helps to plan ahead
Families often have only a few days to make arrangements. Without guidance, they may guess, disagree, or pay for services you would not have wanted.
Even a few clear wishes help. They tell the people you leave behind what matters to you, and they make the first decisions easier.
Burial
Burial can be traditional or green, in the ground or above it.
Traditional burial
A traditional burial usually includes embalming, a casket, and a grave in a cemetery. Many cemeteries also require a vault or grave liner around the casket.
If this is your choice, you might also have wishes about:
- The kind of casket
- The headstone or marker
- Whether there is a viewing before the burial
Green burial
A green burial skips conventional embalming and uses a simple wooden casket or a cloth shroud that breaks down naturally. Some cemeteries set aside a natural area for it.
A conservation burial ground goes further. The burial fees help protect the land as a nature preserve.
Mausoleum
A mausoleum is an above-ground building with spaces, called crypts, that hold caskets. Some people choose it for family, religious, or personal reasons.
Cremation
Cremation uses heat to reduce the body to bone fragments, commonly called ashes. It can follow a funeral, or happen first, with a memorial later.
Direct cremation
Direct cremation happens soon after death, without a viewing or funeral first. It is usually the simplest and least expensive choice. A memorial can still take place later.
Urns
Urns come in wood, metal, ceramic, glass, and biodegradable materials. The right one depends on what happens next. For example, a biodegradable urn suits burial in soil or water.
What happens to the ashes
Ashes can be kept by family, buried in a cemetery plot, or placed in a niche in a columbarium. A columbarium is a wall or building made to hold urns.
They can also be scattered in a meaningful place. Scattering on private land needs the owner’s permission. Parks and waterways have their own rules, so check before you name a place.
National parks, such as Mount Rainier, Olympic, and Crater Lake, require a permit to scatter ashes and limit where you can do it. At Crater Lake, for example, ashes cannot be scattered in the lake or anywhere inside the rim.
Scattering in the ocean follows federal rules. It must happen at least three nautical miles from shore, and it must be reported to the Environmental Protection Agency within 30 days.
In Washington, the state ferry system holds memorial services on several routes. The ashes are released from the back of the ferry partway through the crossing. The service must be booked ahead. The ashes must already be in a certified biodegradable urn when you arrive. The captain has the final say on the day, for example in bad weather.
For routes, fees, and the request form, see the Washington State Ferries memorial services page.
Water and soil options
Washington and Oregon both allow two newer methods. Not every funeral home offers them, so your agent may need to find a provider.
Alkaline hydrolysis
Alkaline hydrolysis, also called green cremation or aquamation, uses water, heat, and an alkaline solution instead of flame. It uses less energy than flame cremation. Your family receives remains much like ashes.
Natural organic reduction
Natural organic reduction, also called human composting, turns the body into soil over several weeks. Your family can keep the soil, or it can be returned to the land.
Prepaid plans
A prepaid plan is an arrangement you make and pay for ahead of time with a funeral home, cemetery, or other provider.
If you have one, it helps to know:
- What it covers, and what it leaves out
- Whether it covers moving your body if you die away from home
- Whether it can move to another provider or another state
- What happens if you cancel it
Keep the contract with your important records. Make sure the person who will handle your arrangements knows it exists and where to find it.
Cemetery plots, crypts, and niches
If you or your family already own a plot, crypt, or niche, write down where it is. Include the cemetery, and the section and row if you know them.
Other details to check:
- Where the deed or certificate of ownership is kept
- Any yearly maintenance fees, and whether the cemetery provides perpetual care
- Whether family members expect to use the spaces next to yours
- What should happen to a space no one will use
Veterans
If you served in the military, you may be entitled to military funeral honors. These include the folding and presenting of the flag and the playing of Taps.
Eligible veterans can also be buried in a national or state veterans cemetery. A national cemetery provides the grave, a government headstone or marker, and perpetual care at no cost to the family. Some spouses and dependents qualify too.
Your family will need your discharge papers to arrange these. Keep a copy with your important records. The funeral home or the Department of Veterans Affairs can help your family with the rest.
Funerals, memorials, and other gatherings
There is no single right way to be remembered. Some choices:
- Funeral: Usually held soon after death, often with the body present
- Memorial service: Often held later, without the body, and can be formal or informal
- Celebration of life: A gathering focused on stories and memories rather than mourning
- Private gathering: A small service for close family and friends
- No service: Some people prefer none at all
Some details you might want to record:
- Where the gathering should be held
- Religious or cultural traditions to include
- Music, readings, or people you would like to speak
- Whether you would like donations to a cause instead of flowers
Choosing who carries out your wishes
A Disposition of Remains gives the person you name the legal authority to make these arrangements. Without one, state law decides who has that authority, usually a spouse or registered domestic partner first, then adult children, then parents and other relatives. An unmarried partner has no authority unless you name them.
This person does not have to be your Health Care Agent. Some people choose someone else because:
- They understand your family, faith, or traditions best
- They live nearby and can handle the practical steps
- It spreads the load, so one person is not carrying everything at once
Look for someone who knows your wishes, can make decisions under stress, and can work with a funeral home. Talk with them before you name them, so they know what you want.
For more on choosing the people in your plan, see this article.
Want to read more?
These articles are optional.
- Health care wishes: What to consider about your care. See this article for Washington or for Oregon.
- Glossary: Common estate planning terms. See this article.